


Take This To My Grave

by fuckyouall



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 02:02:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6636637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckyouall/pseuds/fuckyouall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started with one sad song he wrote thinking about someone that didn’t existed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take This To My Grave

It all started with one sad song he wrote thinking about someone that didn’t existed, not yet anyway. He wrote something he imagined he would feel if he was in love, and how it would feel if that person left – and later, he would find out but it was worse than everything he could ever imagine – so he went, and played it for the people at the bar. When he started to sing, he took a look at the crowd, and there were some new faces there, including the face of a boy with hazel eyes and longish hair, smiling at something his friend was saying, or smiling at him, he was too nervous to tell, and as he kept singing and his brother playing, he could definitely tell that the man was smiling at him. So when he got off the stage, he hoped that maybe, just maybe, the man would come talk to him, but he wasn’t going to admit that to himself, but when the guy actually came to talk to him, he was a bit surprised.

“I like your voice, maybe a little too much” he said, and Gerard noticed that the man was a little too short for his own good, and that was overly cute.

“Thanks, that really means a lot” and to say he was blushing was an understatement.

“You’re cute when you blush too. So what’s your name?”

“Uh… it’s – I’m Gerard, and you are?”

“Your future biggest mistake, but you can call me Frank” he laughed at that, cause this guy was handsome and funny, apparently.

 

When he remembered that day, he smiled at the ‘biggest mistake’ part, because even now, he would never consider Frank a mistake, very far from that. Frank was one of the best things that ever happened to him, and he loved him so much, and like everything you love, you must let it go. It’s weird to think that Frank happened to him, it was just so surreal, but every time he had thoughts like these, he just had to write.

 _It’s been 458 days since I saw you last, and I wish that I could ask how you are, but I can’t. I still remember how you used to smile at me when I was doing something I was having a hard time at concentrating, how you’d giggle and tell me to just_ give up. _I remember you waking up in the morning, mad at nothing and everything at the same time, just because it was too early, but you’d still get up and make coffee for us, and not once you complained about having to do it for me. It’s like you’re a ghost; like you never left, you’re always there, in the back of my brain, with your hollow-point smile, constantly smiling at me, because you know that I’ll never get over you, constantly haunting me with the fact that I lost you. You’re not my biggest mistake, not in a million years, and you never will be, Frank. I still love you, with every inch of my heart, and my body, and it hurts so fucking much, I can physically feel it when I think too much about you, because I can feel your arms around me, I can feel your breathing on my neck, and I- I just feel so_ empty _when you’re not here. And feeling empty it’s the worst thing in the world because I can’t feel happiness or sadness, I’m just… there, you know? Thinking of you, hearing the echoes of your laughter, your voice telling me that it’s okay, everything will be okay, and it’s just not, because you’re not by my side anymore, and I can’t hold you, I can’t cry on your shoulders while you’re trying to calm me down, I don’t feel safe. I miss waking up with you lying next to me, and looking at your green eyes. I miss the nights I would wake up sweating because it’s too fucking hot, and you’re clinging into me, not wanting to let me go even in your sleep, like I would slip through your fingers in the blink of an eye, which is funny, because you’re the one that got away, and I had to watch you slip away from me slowly. It kills me to admit that I could’ve done something to help you, even when everyone tells me that there’s nothing I could’ve done, but I could’ve begged you to stay, like you did to me when we had a fight and I’d get out of the apartment, leaving you behind, with tears in your eyes, and god, how could I be so stupid to think that something so good like you would be with me forever? I’m not self-deprecating, it’s just that I took you for granted. I think that everyone’s worried that I’m going to have a breakdown and go back to who I was before you, but I won’t, because you’re so worth it, and I promised you that I’d never touch alcohol again. Would it be too cliché to compare you to a storm? Because Frank, you were a storm, full of lightning and storms, and I’m so scared of thunderstorms, yet, find it so beautiful. You were an entire universe, full of stars, planets, comets, and full of your mysteries and secrets that I never dared to discover, we didn’t have enough time to discover each other, to explore; no time in the world would be enough to be by your side, and I was never worth of spending some of it with you, no one ever was, and yet, you spent some little time of your life with me, breaking my walls, making me feel loved and safe. With you, I could be whoever and whatever I wanted, because you’d always accept me, and tell me that I’m perfect, that you’d never give up on us. And even though you’re not here anymore, I know that you never gave up, I just feel it. Some things never change, like the fact that your face was all I ever needed to stay sane, and even now that you’re gone, I see our pictures and your smile still calms me down, making me feel like everything will be fine, and thank you so much, Frankie, I love you forever. I’m sorry, I just realized I got a little carried away with the words, but you always said you liked my words, so you probably won’t mind. For fuck’s sake you won’t even read it anyway. I just hope that these words bring me more peace than the ones written in your grave._

**Author's Note:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK  
> anyway i had a little breakdown and then i just had to write this


End file.
